Steps in Discipline:
- Get the child’s attention. “Come here.”
- Ask a heart probing question. “Are you trying to promote peace, or are you stirring up trouble?”
- Explain what God doesn’t want us to do by using a scripture (if you remember it or have it handy). “God doesn’t want us to cause trouble. The Bible says, ‘One of the seven things God hates is one who stirs up trouble among his brothers. (Proverbs 6:19)”
- Explain what God wants us to do instead. “God wants us to bring peace. The Bible says, ‘God gives joy to those who promote peace.’ (Proverbs 12:20)”
- Make the child practice doing things a better way. “Instead of what you did (taking a toy, being pushy, etc), how can you show love and peace to your brother? Let’s try that again.”
Common Issues:
Aggravating, Stirring Up Strife, Picking on Others
Blame Shifting, Making Excuses
Defiant Attitude, Defiant Look
More Issues:
Conflict Resolution: The Offended
Conflict Resolution: The Offender
Destructive with Toys, Property
Aggravating, Stirring Up Strife, Picking on Others
Heart Probing:
- Are you purposing in your heart to promote peace, or are you stirring up trouble?
- How can you show love and pursue peace in this situation?
Reproof (“Put Off”):
Strife. One of the seven things God hates is one who stirs up trouble among his brothers. Proverbs 6:19
Encouragement (“Put On”):
Peace Making. God gives joy to those who promote peace. Proverbs 12:20.
Additional Verses:
- Proverbs 10:12
- 1 Peter 3:11
Bad Friendships
Heart Probing:
- Do you think this friend will encourage you to follow Jesus?
- Do you think it is a wise decision to “hang out” with this person?
Note: Be careful not to condemn the foolish but pray for them out of love and compassion.
Reproof (“Put Off”):
Bad Company. You should stay away from those whose ways are contrary to the teaching you have learned or you will be led astray and suffer harm. Romans 16:17, Proverbs 12:26, Proverbs 13:20
Encouragement (“Put On”):
Wisdom. If you walk with the wise you will grow wise. Proverbs 13:20
Additional Verses:
- Proverbs 22:24-25
- Proverbs 28:26
- Romans 16:17
Blame Shifting, Making Excuses
Heart Probing:
- Could it be that you are trying to cover over your own sin?
- Without blaming someone else or making excuses, I want you to examine your own heart and tell me what you did.
- What could you have done differently?
Reproof (“Put Off”):
Pride. When you try to hide your sins you will not prosper. God knows what is in your heart. Proverbs 28:13
Encouragement (“Put On”):
Humility. If you confess and turn away from your sin, you will be forgiven and will receive mercy. Proverbs 28:13, 1 John 1:9
Additional Verses:
- Proverbs 21:2
- Micah 7:9
- James 5:16
Bragging, Conceit
Heart Probing:
- Do those words bring glory and honor to God or to yourself?
Reproof (“Put Off”):
Pride. “Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips”. (Proverbs 27:2)
God will not tolerate a proud heart. Psalm 101:5
Encouragement (“Put On”):
Humility. Walk in humility and consider others better than yourself. Philippians 2:3
Additional Verses:
- 1 Samuel 16:7b
- Romans 12:3
- 1 Corinthians 1:31
- Galatians 6:14
Complaining
Heart Probing:
- Is your attitude showing thankfulness and contentment?
- Rather than complaining, what can you be thankful for in this situation?
Reproof (“Put Off”):
Complaining. “Do everything without complaining and arguing.” (Philippians 2:14)
Encouragement (“Put On”):
Thankfulness. It is God’s will that you be thankful and joyful in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Additional Verses:
- Proverbs 17:22
- Colossians 3:17, 23
Conflict Resolution: The Offended
Heart Probing:
- Did you talk with your brother/sister before you came to me?
- Did you respond the way God would have you to respond?
- Are you willing to forgive the way Jesus forgives?
Reproof (“Put Off”):
Revenge/Unforgiveness. “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult but with blessing.” (1 Peter 3:9)
Encouragement (“Put On”):
Love/Forgiveness. “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault just between the two of you.” (Matthew 18:15).
You may only come to me if you have confronted your brother/sister first and he/she will not listen to you. Matthew 18:17
Additional Verses:
- Proverbs 19:11
- Ephesians 4:32
Conflict Resolution: The Offender
Heart Probing:
- Do you think that what you said/did showed love to your brother/sister?
- What could you have said/done differently?
Reproof (“Put Off”):
Pride/Unkindness. “Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in truth.” (1 Corinthians 13:6)
Encouragement (“Put On”):
Humility/Kindness. Confess and seek forgiveness from God and the one you have wronged. Psalm 32:5, James 5:16
Additional Verses:
- Psalm 34:14
Coveting, Discontent
Heart Probing:
- Do you believe God has provided you with everything you need?
- What are some things God has faithfully supplied you with?
- What do you truly need that you do not have?
Reproof (“Put Off”):
Discontentment. Do not love the things of this world. Those who covet will find no satisfaction. 1 John 2:15, Haggai 1:6
Encouragement (“Put On”):
Contentment. Be content with what you have – contentment allows you to enjoy what god has given you. Hebrews 13:5, 1 Timothy 6:6-8
Additional Verses:
- Exodus 20:17
- Luke 12:15
Defeat, Giving Up
Heart Probing:
- What did Jesus do when He was tempted to give up?
- What if Jesus had given up?
- What should you do when you are tempted to give up?
Reproof (“Put Off”):
Discouragement. Do not give up and do not rely on your own strength. 2 Thessalonians 3:13
Encouragement (“Put On”):
Perseverance. Pray for willingness and strength to persevere when things are hard. Allow God’s strength to be made perfect in your weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9, Ephesians 6:18, James 5:13
Additional Verses:
- Romans 5:3
- Ephesians 3:13
- Philippians 4:13
- Hebrews 12:3
Defiant Attitude, Defiant Look
Heart Probing:
- Are you obeying or disobeying with your attitude?
- Are you truly obeying when you obey with an unhappy heart?
Reproof (“Put Off”):
Defiance. It is wicked for you to harden your face and foolish for you to despise instruction. Proverbs 21:29, Proverbs 12:1
Encouragement (“Put On”):
Submission. A wise heart accepts command and a happy heart makes the face cheerful. Proverbs 10:8, Proverbs 15:13
Additional Verses:
- Proverbs 17:22
- Proverbs 28:14
- Philippians 2:5
Destructive with Toys, Property
Heart Probing:
- Do you think you should be allowed to have this if you are going to destroy it?
- Are you being considerate of the person who purchased this?
- Is this an act of goodness or evil?
Reproof (“Put Off”):
Destruction. Wastefulness leads to poverty and a foolish man destroys what he has. Luke 15:12-14, Proverbs 21:20
Encouragement (“Put On”):
Good Stewardship. You are blessed and trusted with more when you take card of what you have. Matthew 25:29
Additional Verses:
- 1 Corinthians 4:2
Disobeying
Heart Probing:
- Are you obeying or disobeying?
- How did you disobey?
- How does God want you to obey?
NOTE:
- All the way
- Right away
- With a happy heart
Reproof (“Put Off”):
Disobedience. When you disobey me you are disobeying God and it will not go well with you. I love you too much to allow you to disobey. Ephesians 6:1-3
NOTE: Be consistent to follow through with consequences for direct disobedience. Proverbs 23:13-14
Encouragement (“Put On”):
Obedience. “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” (Colossians 3:20)
Additional Verses:
- Proverbs 13:13, 18, 24
- Proverbs 15:32
Fear
Heart Probing:
- Does God give you a spirit of fear?
- What would God want you to do in this fearful situation?
Reproof (“Put Off”):
Fearfulness. When you are living in fear you are not trusting God. Matthew 8:26
Encouragement (“Put On”):
Trust. God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5b)
Additional Verses:
- Deuteronomy 31:6
- Psalm 27:1
- Proverbs 29:25
- 2 Timothy 1:7
Lying, Deceit
Heart Probing:
- Do you know who the father of lies is?
- Who do you want as your Father?
- Do you think lying honors your Father (God) and your family?
Reproof (“Put Off”):
Lying. Lying damages your relationship with your famly and God hates a lying tongue – so you must “put off” lying. Ephesians 4:25, Proverbs 6:17
Encouragement (“Put On”):
Truthfulness. The Lord delights in those who are truthful. Proverbs 12:22
Additional Verses:
- Psalm 19:14
- Proverbs 19:5, 9
- Colossians 3:9
Not Receiving Instruction
Heart Probing:
- Is your attitude showing respect for me and honoring Jesus?
- Is it wise or foolish for you to reject my instruction?
Reproof (“Put Off”):
Foolishness. God says that it is foolish for you to reject the wisdom of my words. Proverbs 23:9
Encouragement (“Put On”):
Wisdom. If you listen to advice and accept instruction you will be wise. Proverbs 19:20
Additional Verses:
- Proverb 1:33
- Proverbs 13:13
- Proverbs 15:5, 14
Quarreling, Arguing
Heart Probing:
- Are you being strong and avoiding strife, or are you being weak and participating in strife?
- What can you do/say in order to keep peace with your brother/sister right now?
NOTE: Ask all children involved.
Reproof (“Put Off”):
Quarreling. A harsh word stirs up anger. You need to depart from evil and do good because God says it is foolish to quarrel. Proverbs 15:1b, Psalm 34:14, Proverbs 20:3b
Encouragement (“Put On”):
Peace Making. A gentle answer turns away wrath. It is to your honor to avoid strife and to live at peace with everyone. Proverbs 20:3a, Romans 12:18, Proverbs 15:1a
Additional Verses:
- Proverbs 15:13
Revenge
Heart Probing:
- What would Jesus do?
- How can you honor Jesus and bless this person who has wronged you?
Reproof (“Put Off”):
Revenge. “Do not say, ‘I’ll pay you back for this wrong!’ Wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you.” (Proverbs 20:22)
“Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.” (1 Peter 3:9)
Encouragement (“Put On”):
Forgiveness. It is to your glory to overlook an offense and you obey God when you overcome evil with good. Proverbs 19:11, Romans 12:21
Additional Verses:
- Luke 6:35-36
- Romans 12:14
Selfishness, “Me First”
Heart Probing:
- Are you putting your brother/sister ahead of yourself or are you being selfish?
- What would be a kind and generous thing to do?
Reproof (“Put Off”):
Selfishness. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3)
“Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act.” (Proverbs 3:27)
Encouragement (“Put On”):
Generosity. “Honor one another above yourself.” (Romans 12:10)
“God loves a cheerful giver.” (2 Corinthians 9:7b)
Additional Verses:
- Galatians 6:10
- Philippians 2:4
Tattling
Heart Probing:
- Could it be that you are delighting in getting your brother/sister in trouble?
- Rather than tattling, how can you spur him/her on toward love and good deeds?
Reproof (“Put Off”):
Talebearing. If you are trying to get your brother/sister in trouble, you will get in trouble.
“Whoever gloats over disaster will not go unpunished.” (Proverbs 17:5b)
Encouragement (“Put On”):
Encouragement. “Spur one another on toward love and good deeds.” (Hebrews 10:24)
NOTE: Child should come directly to Mom when another child is endangering himself, someone else, or destroying property.”
Additional Verses:
- Proverbs 11:12-13
- Proverbs 16:28
- 1 Corinthians 13:6
Teasing, Tearing Others Down
Heart Probing:
- Do those words show love and edify your brother/sister or do they tear him/her down?
- What can you say to edify (build up) your brother/sister?
Reproof (“Put Off”):
Unwholesome Talk. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth…” (Ephesians 4:29a)
Encouragement (“Put On”):
Edifying Words. The words of your mouth should be helpful in building others up according to their needs. Ephesians 4:29b
Additional Verses:
- Psalm 34:14
- Proverbs 26:18-19
- Matthew 19:19b
Whining
Heart Probing:
- Are you communicating with a self-controlled voice?
- How does God want you to communicate?
Reproof (“Put Off”):
Ungodliness. Whining is an ungodly form of communication. Titus 2:12a
Encouragement (“Put On”):
Self-Control. God wants you to use self control, even with your voice. Titus 2:12b
Additional Verses:
- Proverbs 25:28
- Galatians 5:22-23
- Ephesians 4:29
- 2 Peter 1:5-8
Worry
Heart Probing:
- Are you forgetting who made everything?
- Who is all powerful? What can God do about this situation?
Reproof (“Put Off”):
Anxiety. It is not God’s will for you to worry. Matthew 6:31
Encouragement (“Put On”):
Trust. If you pray and trust God to take this anxiety away from you, He will do it because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
Additional Verses:
- Matthew 6:26-27
- Philippians 4:8-9